Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
