i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
