There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize