I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
