i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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