Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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