Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
