Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize