i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
