I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
