wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
