He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
