im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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