Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
