Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
