I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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