Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
