His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
