At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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