textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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