I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
