she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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