shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
