She's JV to your varsity
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
