three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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