nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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