I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
