I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i think my cat just said my name.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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