I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wear drunk well.
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