If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
