I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
