like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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