don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
