i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
