He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No subtext here. People are naked.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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