got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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