frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Randomize
