Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
