Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
