Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
