listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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