So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
