so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
