you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
