soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
