I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
