Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize