i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
