Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
