The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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