I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
