The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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