I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
