No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
