she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
