I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize