Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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