Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
