i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
