How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
