I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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