I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
