he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
